Crossroads of the Soul

“I’ll kill you for this! You are DEAD, DEAD MINCED MEAT!”

Benjamin's complexion had turned a deep pulsing red, the veins in his neck were nearly jumping out, and his eyes looked like they would pop any moment now.

He clenched his fist tightly around the collar of Shuiri's shirt.

Who, in turn, completely froze up.

“You know what, you little shit, I won’t kill you first,” Benjamin stared with murderous intent.
“No, I will kill everyone you love!” he mumbled a satanical yes towards himself as he added, “and, and I make you watch!”

With a sinister smile, he finally said: “Soon, you will wish you never existed”!

With more force than needed, he threw Suhiri back into his chair. The curved ledge hit Suhiri's back hard. The impact let the chair slide all the way to the wall. Which wasn't far off. Nevertheless, the impact was filling the room with a loud metal clank!

He shouted with growing fury, becoming ever more enraged by the total lack of response. Then, he screamed: “Do you want to die? Is that it?”

In another outburst of rage, he screamed, “TURN IT BACK ON! Right now!”

With a stutter and a breaking voice, Suhiri answered:

“N-n-n No, NO!”

Benjamin turned around, gripping a part of his hair, short to their roots, and pulled on them.

He’d so love to kill Suhiri, who shivered in his boots, behind him.

“I freaking knew it, I shouldn’t have hired you.” Benjamin mumbled, adding with wild gestures: “You have a girl’s name already, and now, just because a couple of people will lose their money, you chicken out; you pussy!”

Benjamin paused a second. He had always been aggressive, violent and solved anything he could with his fists or worse. It was a deep-rooted behavior, a pattern, that had grown from early childhood on, as he bullied and pushed down whomever he could.

His motto was back then, as it still is today: join me or get out of my way if you want to life.

“I give you one last chance, to turn the page back on … or I will find someone who can and kill you!”

Benjamin pulled a gun out, and slammed it on the table, nearly firing it off accidentally.

Suhiri sunk even deeper into his chair. He wanted to make it all stop. He desired to get out of there. Furthermore, he wanted to disappear completely. His heart was pounding so hard, he couldn’t even think anymore. Every inch of his body was shaking. Every cell froze up in panic.

Then, it all stopped.

Suhiri found peace in an invisible bath of warm, radiant energy.

That’s it, he thought … I am going to die now, at least I am at peace!

His eyelids fluttered, as he tried to close his eyes; however, his body did not listen to him.

Instead, he sat up straight. Looked Benjamin into his eyes and said: 

“I understand!” His expression showed pure terror, but his tone echoed a deep rooted loving confidence that was beyond what Suhiri ever showed.

Benjamin stared back, slightly confused, wondering if Suhiri had lost it completely.

The same time, In his mind, a spawn of hope glimmered up … this was his chance… that chicken would finally see sense!

Before he could say something, Suhiri continued:

“You lived your life in pain, ever since that day … when he broke you. You locked that pain away, deep inside of you. But it gnawed at you, every waking and sleeping hour. It ate away all your compassion. And all you could do, was covering it all up with more pain. Pain, you inflicted on others.

However, what you did hurt you the most!

So, you had even more pain, guilt, and horror to lock up now. It all amassed a gaffing wound gushing in blood and flesh but also in a destroyed spirit and soul.

I see you, Benjamin. I always have.”

Shocked edged itself onto Benjamins face. While disbelief was the carrying underbrush.

That’s impossible, how would he know that, I never shared any of it with anybody? He pondered.

Benjamin was clearly startled, and he was thrown off his usual game of hurt and intimidation.
He skipped a couple of beats in his usual pattern and strangely calmed down a bit.

The fires in his stomach and chest were still burning, and he felt the urge to hurt Suhiri itching at his fingers. But now, he also was fascinated.

If he had acknowledged it, a bit scared too. But more so, deeply interested in what he was going to say next.

Biting his lip and squinting his eyes, he relaxed a bit and kept on listening, while pushing out a suppressed command: “Go on!”

Suhiri continued in one fluent statement.

“Benjamin, know that you are loved, deeply. And we embrace you fully. You have always been loved, always will be. Then for all you did, you served a purpose greater, than you might imagine. You wanted to be part of something so badly, that you lost sight of what you are already part of. You have never been alone.”

Benjamin took a step back … these words, they weren’t coming from Suhiri, he realized now, by really seeing him, that Suhiri looked phased out. Like, he wasn’t really there or conscious any longer.

His eyes were fixed straight ahead, and he was barely breathing, while the voice was confident, secure, and strong, unlike anything he had ever heard from him.

Benjamin looked around; someone was pulling a prank on him. If there had been anyone in his life that would care so much to do so … this would have been the only explanation.

A hidden camera joke, yeah, that must have been it, he thought! But regardless of where he looked, the little meeting room, had nothing to hide a camera in.

He finally sunk into his chair and dropped the gun on the floor, staring at Suhiri, who clearly had more to deliver to him.

Rage still building up within, Benjamin let his face take on a stone-cold, hardened expression with a tensely pressed together jar. His stare bleak and filled with detain. 

“You are at a significant crossroad in your journey, Benjamin. One that will determine what path, for your soul and all of us, you will take. You have filled, and learned, what you set out to learn during this life. However, one important choice is still to be done.”

Suhiri’s expression lit up and a smile appeared, one so honest and content, it even reached the depth of Benjamin's locked up heart. The entity that had taken over Suhiri carried on:

“Will you continue as you did, and let all that pain control your life, learning nothing in the end from it all? Or will you take the lesson to heart, open up again and choose love?”

A small pause added tension, Benjamin could not respond but clenched his fist. Whatever was talking to him, he wanted to punch it badly. However, the voice went on:

“You are worthy of it. You have always been loved unconditionally.

Not only that, but you do not need to repent; you do not need to suffer. As every moment was played out in complete coherence with your journey and fully embraced by all that played their part in deep love.”

Suhiri’s eyes now closed, as the final part was spoken, while in Benjamin's mind, curses and foul language dominated.

“The choice, for that, is yours and yours alone, as you are the master of your experience in this life.

So, you can pick up the gun, and continue to add pain and suffering to your life and soul … even though, there is no need any longer for any of it. Or you leave it, stand up and go. To set out on a new path, where you find it in you, to see the pain in others and play a different role.

Whatever path you take, know that you are infinitely loved, always.”

Silence enveloped the little meeting room, as Suhiri sank into the chair, whatever had taken a hold of him, now was no longer with them.

Benjamin took a deep breath; decades of pain and suffering were screaming at his mind and body, scratching away at his last slivers of humanity.

These words, he knew where they came from, he knew who was talking … even if he couldn’t understand how, wouldn’t want to believe it to be true … he felt the sincerity, the wholeness, the belonging he so longed for in his life.

Suhiri, awoke, looking confused, yet clearer than ever before. Benjamin knew instinctively (without ever possessing a connection to his instincts) that Suhiri had a little chat of his own.

He reached for the gun, shouting: “Fuck it all!!!”

Before his fingers reached the cold steel of his weapon, he looked over to the door of this little conference room.

And made his decision.